Monday, December 23, 2013

Tis' The Season of: Capricorn

Christmas time is here. So heralds the beginning of yet another winter--all that snow, cold, and bundling up.

I loathe winter. Perhaps that is not why I am a Capricorn, the sexy nerds of the zodiac.

He's a nerd because he's wearing glasses. Obviously.
You can't spell Capricious without Capricorn. And yet for all their calculating indecision, Capricorns adhere to a strong standard of self-values.

Capricorns, like their Scorpio cousins, are often accused of being cold and/or bitchy due to their rigid ambition and penchant for not suffering fools wisely. That said, Capricorns are compassionate and traditional when it comes to love and loving. They also know how to dress to kill. When they want something, they will stop and nothing to attain it.

Capricorn men are:
- Determined
- Organized 
- Good with their money 
- Hard-working 
- Good at managing time and people

But far from being perfect, Capricorn guys can also be:
- Insensitive 
- Condescending 
- Greedy/Stingy 
- Overly-skeptical
- Prone to using people  

So what can a Capricorn fella help you with?
- Your taxes (jk)
- Getting on the right track with your life
- Career advice 
- Working on your self-control, especially when it comes to love
- Communication 
- Helping you mature 

If you want a sophisticated guy who's a gentleman in the streets but a freak elsewheres, then Capricorn is the guy for you!

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Your Christmas/Hanukah/Non-Denominational-Gift-Giving-Day Present....Horoscope

Now that's a title! Good thing Blogspot doesn't have a character limit, am I right?

With the holiday of consumerism and gift exchanging approaching, so too does the sense of fear and anxiety that comes with trying to figure out what to get that special someone. And if you're here reading this blog, chances are that special someone is the same gender as you.

But what if all we had to go on a person was their date of birth and some astrological stereotypes? This gift giving guide will suit all your horoscopical needs.

On the first day of Christmas, my Aries gave to me:

A bottle of whiskey, a shinguard, and a bandaid.

On the second day of Christmas, my Taurus gave to me:


On the third day of Christmas, my Gemini gave to me:

A better texting plan and the key to his dungeon.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my Cancer gave to me:

A gold watch, a tiara, and the key to his apartment.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my Leo gave to me:

One of those electronic picture frames...already uploaded with photos of himself.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my Virgo gave to me:

Deodorant, a mixed CD of sad-eyed songstresses, artisinal teas and a note that labels them by their accurate name: “tisanes”.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my Libra gave to me:

100-thread count sheets, a condom, an explicit invitation, and BEYONCE.

On the eight day of Christmas, my Scorpio gave to me:

The key to his apartment and the key to his dungeon...before he switched the locks on both.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my Sagittarius gave to me:

Another Sagittarius.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my Capricorn gave to me:

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my Aquarius gave to me:

A spider monkey, a sequoia, a replica of the “Garden of Earthly Delights,” iPad.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my Pisces gave to me:

Finger paints and an Enya CD.


Gemini X Earth Signs

Gemini X Capricorn = Wind + Metal = Noise ( be fair, this is a hard one)

The Good: Gemini may be that one special lad who gets Capricorn out of his goat pen. Normally, Capricorns steer well clear of trouble but if the Gemini in question is more of the intellectual, cosmopolitan variety, the Capricorn in turn is game. And when it comes to being fancy and going out on the town, being seen, these two love to play the social game. Provided it doesn't put the burden on Capricorn's wallet that is! Here's how the relationship usually plays out: Capricorn serves as the patron while Gemini gives back the fun and emotional (or otherwise) stimulation. Often the Capricorn may view the Gemini as his little social butterfly, always running around while he would prefer to stay in an enjoy a nice Chiante. To that end, dating a Gemini may be more for the adventurous variety of Capricorn.

The Bad: Because of their discrepancies, Capricorn can tire quickly of Gemini. Capricorns don't necessarily like to control, but they do like to set up rules and parameters. Gemini is good at being bad and not listening to the rules. Or he often forgets what they are in the first place. His gripe with the goat is that Capricorn is too damn stodgy. Capricorn also feels as if Gemini is just spending his money and time without giving anything back in return. Both of them will need to settle on a middle ground.

The Sexy: In this match, Capricorn usually plays the role of the "daddy" to Gemini's "boy." Gemini loves to be naughty and Capricorn likes discipline. Since Capricorn ascribes to the lyric "lady in the streets but a freak in the bed," Gemini is always excited to bring out his bad side.

Gemini X Taurus = Wind + Earth = Sandstorm

The Good: Taurus and Gemini are neighbors, which means their natures often clash. It's not like you always get along with your neighbors, right? At the same time, they both enjoy physical expression. Since Gemini is very cerebral and Taurus a natural aesthete, they may find common ground in their shared joy of arts or music. Sexually they are drawn to each other—Geminis like a boy with grace and Tauruses just like boys. All the boys.

The Bad: Taureans aren't known to be cerebral types, or at least not to be very keen on dense expressions of intellect. Geminis are also hardly ever grounded, and this bugs Taurus boys. They crave stability, even if they aren't exactly home-bodies. These two might have many fights and conflicts of personality. Many of these fights might revolve around other boys or accusations of wandering eyes.

The Sexy: Geminis can turn personality on a whim, and this does not bother Taurus, who just likes sex. Geminis are active in all things, so don't mind to do any of the “heavy lifting” in bed.

Gemini X Virgo = Wind + Plants = Pollination

The Good: It's a sitcom relationship. He's a jetsetting, mischievous playboy with a heart of gold and he's a neurotic perfectionist with a sensitive side. Together they are Gemini and Virgo *cue 80's theme song*

From the moment they met each other, they knew it would be a bit of a challenge. And that's what Gemini and Virgo love about this match. They are already a married couple bugging and picking on each other for their petty inconsistencies. It's all in good fun. Gemini's secretly love someone who can put them in their place and Virgos, whose favorite pants are those of the sassy variety, love someone who can dish it back at them. Of all the Earth signs Gemini can date, Virgo is the most outgoing, a testament to their mutable qualities.

The Bad: The problems arise when communication breaks down and the bickering becomes too much. Someone's feelings get hurt. Gemini feels slighted. Virgo feels lied too, or has become to suspicious of Gemini. Geminis are not usually the most reassuring of individuals and Virgos like to keep their feelings private. If either one is too scared or shy to communicate their emotions or problems, the relationship could end quickly.

The Sexy: Both of these signs are typically good in bed. Virgos, far from being Mr. Prudes, find sex to be an inherently pure act. They are contend to let their wood nymph fly. Geminis, more of the impish, Peter Pan subset of pixie, are up for the challenge. Versatility and variety are key.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013