Capricorn ~Sign of the Professional~

 “The morning rain clouds up my window, and I can't see at all. And even if I could it'd all be gray.    But your picture on my wall, it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad.”

Constellation of the Sea-Goat (...yeah) Capricorns are born from December 22 – January 20. Their element, while traditionally earth, can also be interpreted as metal (steel, gold, silver etc.) or even the theoretical element of time. Their planet is Saturn.

Famous Gay Capricorn Guys: Ricky Martin. George Washington Carver,  Christian Dior.

                                                                        Warm me up

Your Date with Capricorn:

     It's the classic sort of night out that you may have fantasized about when you were younger. Yet he's the real deal, both prince charming and upscale playboy. He greets you with a rose. His speech is respectful, playful, and pointed. His apartment is well-furnished and taken care of. Everything seems to be in good taste, yet you detect a devilish sort of demeanor behind those stern eyes of his.
    He takes you out to a fancy jazz bar.  This is different than what you're usually used to. Most boys would think this was trite or old-fashioned, but you have to  admit you're sort of loving his style. He's a bit taciturn, sometimes somber, and sometimes he likes to poke fun at your interests. He buys you the best wine in the house. He talks to you about your ambitions in life and does not shy away from giving you advice about them.
    Back at his place, he lights candles and puts on music. More wine flows. Now you're starting to see that mischievous side of him come out to play. He sits on the bed, his shirt open, his black tie dangling off of his neck. For a young guy like yourself, he really seems to be playing the part of the wealthy daddy. It's kind of cute. You're drawn to him, straddling him on the bed. Before long,  he has you on your back and he's biting up and down your neck. "Oh please," he says as he begins to wrap his tie around your hands, "did you really think I was just another stuffed shirt?"

What the Stars Say:

The mythological origins of the constellation Capricorn are as murky and esoteric as these boys sometimes tend to be. One account says that this sign came about while the monster, Typhon, was chasing the nature god Pan through the country of Egypt. Pan was helping distract Typhon so Zeus could sneak up and attack him. In order to escape, Pan, who was a goat deity, jumped into the local Nile river. From the waist down he transformed himself into a fish, but in order to maintain his endurance he kept his form as a goat from the waist up. When Zeus finally defeated Typhon, he thanked Pan by taking his goat-fish form and placing it among the stars.

The other reason lies in Capricorn's planet, Saturn. Saturn was the original ruler of the gods in Greek mythology, king of the mighty Titans. It was said that during his time there existed a golden age of prosperity where men, so focused on their work as they were, managed to build a utopia for themselves. Saturn feared being overthrown and so he ate his children. The last child, Zeus, managed to escaped and later overthrew the reign of Saturn—castrating the sumbitch no less—and delegated them to tasks supporting the ecosystem of the planet. Saturn's husk was used to measure time. This is why Saturn is known as the planet of restrictions, labor, and endurance. This is the planet that does not fuck around, making sure everybody knows their place in order to keep them on the right track. Obviously Jupiter and Saturn stand in opposition to each other, the former in charge of expansion and luck and the latter in charge of restrictions and self-help. Capricorn takes this philosophy and approaches life with a sense of work ethic and utter determination. And like Saturn, he carries somewhat of a chip on his soldier, always eternally resentful of his deposed status.

Capricorn is belongs to the Earth grouping of signs. Since Capricorns are concerned with material wealth and the correct usage and application of resources, this gay boy's sign can be best tied to the element of metal. In Chinese astrology, metal is important enough to warrant it as its own main element. Capricorns know what's precious and to be valued and their mental endurance and strong will is nearly titanium in nature. They are, because of this, also associated with another precious commodity, that of the immaterial element “time”. Time is the great equalizer, much like death. Time allows us to grow stronger and at the same time deplete our strength. Time is what keeps humanity in check, reminding them that the planet is constantly changing and that life never lasts. Capricorn's have a complete understanding of the nature of time and use this element to drive their unrelenting ambitions.

That Cosmic Bod:

The face of a Capricorn men resembles that of a goat, or if we're going to reference the Christianized version of Pan, the face of the devil. He has long, pointed features, somewhat shifty, narrow eyes, and sharp, coarse hair. Their complexions are usually somewhat tan or extremely fair. Whereas Sagittarius boys look eternally happy and pleased at the world, Capricorn boys look eternally smug and amused by the antics of humanity.

A Capricorn is usually lanky and lean, perhaps even wiry. Because of their frames, these guys are perfectly fitted towards and icon of their sign's professional status: suits and tuxedos. In fashion they tend towards monochrome or muted colors, not typically ones to wear colors that stand out. When it comes to the good stuff, Capricorn men have rather humble backsides but usually possess at least decently sized equipment in the front.

What's on the Inside:

Capricorn boys are realists first and foremost. Whereas Scorpio dudes are regenerating pessimists and Sagittarius guys are idealists, a Capricorn boy defines himself by his reality and then takes it away from there. Like the precious metals he holds dominion over, a Capricorn boy toils at mining the best out of life. His determination is noble. He is reserved, which grants him an aloof sense of sophistication. Above all, he is a gentleman, desiring to give himself the best public image he can.

Some say that Capricorn men at this age seem wise beyond their years. While Sagittarius, who comes before Capricorn, is both the innocent child and the wizened old man at the same time, Capricorns are firmly old souls who've “seen it all”. Their maturity levels, at least on the surface, seem leagues beyond that of their peers. Scratch the surface however and you'd expect to find a lot of insecurities. Rest assure, they are there, but Capricorns have extremely good pa-pa-pa-poker faces, right up there with Scorpio boys. The difference is that a Capricorn's emotions are tightly wound around his heart, never going out of control. Indeed, it's hard to see a Capricorn ever get worked up. He won't. Even his anger is civil, sharp, and clever. He is one cool customer.

What Capricorn boys excel at excellently is endurance. Knocking a Capricorn boy down, he gets right back up again. Though he is a tough cookie at heart, he is also notorious for his criticism. Since he can sugar-coat his words with a layer of politeness and civility, he is not afraid to speak out on what he does not like. His attitude, while ambitious, is not the same aggression as Aries. In fact, a Capricorn boy would see an Aries boy as an uncivilized brute. He's good at looking at the surface, but emotional complexity or extremes irritate him. To him, unnecessary emotions are...well...unnecessary.

He's not soulless however. A Capricorn boy has a close connection with his family, especially his parents. Whether or not that connection is positive or negative is really up to the observer to decide. The Capricorn boy understands that his parents have most likely achieved their sense of self-worth and he strives to do the same. He wants to better himself before others, and sometimes this can be accused of self-serving. At his worst, a Capricorn boy ascribes to the Ayn Rand (blech) philosophy of work ethic, putting himself above others. At his best, he wants to serve the public good and keep everything under order and control.

Because of his desires for positive restrictions, law, and order, Capricorns do well in bureaucratic fields as well as legal studies. Anything that requires commitment and focus, aspects which he excels at, is good territory for a Capricorn to explore. The Capricorn boy is the original hipster since he often has an eye on trends, especially trends that bring back some old thing in style. His eccentric and eclectic tastes mean that he's well versed in a lot of movies you haven't heard of but should. He takes great pride in his sophisticated tastes. In fact nearly everything this boy does is suave and classy, even when he's practicing his raw and sometimes raunchy, sardonic humor.

Of all the signs, Capricorn is the most traditional. Even among the gay community, this boys seems like he stepped out of the past. He is well-spoken and gentlemanly, perhaps even a little shy. At their worst, Capricorns are cowards, and while their more evil brethren can be bitchy, they are too afraid to act on their negative impulses. That sort of conduct is so below them. Still, a Capricorn boy isn't necessarily the most outgoing of the zodiac, and if he is an extrovert, he's never in-your-face. Sometimes it's often hard to take a Capricorn out and about. He doesn't normally like or even understand the point of clubs or dancing. If anything, he prefers a classy bar where he can socialize and mingle with people he already knows.

Now when a Capricorn boy is bad, he is an absolute miserable human being to contend with. It is often too easy for these boys to feel bitter about...well...anything. Their attitude is not so much “woe is I” but “that's humanity for you...*SIGH*” Even when melancholic, he still holds himself above others. A favorite Capricorn pastime seems to be getting offended. For these boys, it's hard to see the world in anything other than black and white. The worst fact of life for them to cope with is rejection. Of all the boys to feel the most bitter or spiteful of a boy turning them down, it's this one (ugh believe me, I know this well). No, he will not “just be friends”, HOW DARE YOU? He has too much dignity to let a boy turn him away, and so he will give them the cold shoulder, even bad mouth him to others (can you tell I've had some bad experiences with Capricorns?).

A lesser but equally annoying flaw is that Capricorns can be just as anal as Virgos. Punctuality is next to godliness for them. Money is also another dangerous territory. Capricorns are wary of gold diggers and can often be stingy with their cash. Their tendency to withdraw and shelter themselves from the world can often turn this boy into a straight-up curmudgeon. At his worst, hanging out with a Capricorn gay boy is like sharing space with a crotchety grandpa trapped in a twink's body (wow, there's an image for ya). His nitpickings aren't as constructively critical as Virgos, but more along the lines of complaining for complaining sake. Let's also not get into the Capricorn penchant for raining on parades. If you're a foolish dreamer, you will give a Capricorn boy a boner just by the potential you have for him to shit all over your ideals and “unrealistic expectations.” He will demand you think before you speak. He will argue with you to the bitter end on your seemingly nonsensical philosophies.

But that's at his worst. At his best, Capricorns can make fun, if not understated, friends. While they aren't very social creatures, they make dependable “rock” types who often serve as pillars of support and advice for their small but strong social circle. Capricorn boys don't typically like to branch out unless it will serve a logical purpose, so he will often stick to his crowd of personal friends. A Capricorn boy does not prefer one gender or sexuality over the other; he simply carefully picks and chooses his allies. This varies from Capricorn boy to boy and is entirely up to how he feels about hanging with straight men (oh believe you me, every Capricorn boy has an opinion). He is popular with girls because of his respectful and considerate demeanor.

You and the Other Boys:

Capricorn men are good at compartmentalizing everything: drawers, clothes, emotions, friends, and this is also true when it comes to their gay, bisexual, and queer friends. A Capricorn boy is always tactful about who he hangs out with. God forbid he associate with someone uncouth! It would simply not do for his image. I once knew a Capricorn boy who separated his AIM buddy list into: funny gays, stupid gays, relevant gays, irrelevant gays. In real life, he culls the gay scene by separating the more unseemly characters from the respectable...or at least in his mind. He won't admit it ever, but a Capricorn boy is somewhat of a social climber. This isn't always a bad thing. He just wants success and good times. Who can blame him?

Connecting with a Capricorn:

Boy am I the most unqualified to write about this section. Anyways, connecting with a Capricorn can be tough initially because he is so guarded about nearly everything about himself. It's best to talk about you for a little when initially getting to know him. Focus more on your achievements and success. Let him know where you're going in life...and it HAS to be somewhere. Capricorn boys are turned on by ambition and drive as well as intellect and boys who can rep some knowledge.

These boys also like emotionally stable, albeit expressive individuals. Since Capricorn boys are awkward with their emotions [everything must go into its little box damn it!] he appreciates a boy with some personality as long as that personality isn't entirely too over the top. He wants a boy who genuinely cares, mostly because he assumes the world if full of shitty people. While he is often critical of happy-go-lucky types, he doesn't mind someone who is warm and friendly. You just have to strike the right balance. Everything, for Capricorn, is moderation. Well...most things.

Since he is a traditionalist, you can expect a fun gay-making of traditional heterosexual dating stratagems. He loves to wine and dine as well as go out to nice restaurants. He is a sophisticate who prefers classical entertainment often eschewed or flat out misunderstood by the gay community. Classical music, opera, theater, museums...they may not sound exciting to many guys our age (hey I personally love them) but a Capricorn sees them as the highest of humanity's artistic achievements. If you're well versed in any of these subjects, he will adore you.

Remember that though he has a bawdy sense of humor, he is also a gentleman. He expects his boyfriend to be the same (except in the bedroom but we'll get to that later). Since Capricorn is the sign connected to public service, you must always be kind and polite to waiters, receptionists, and clerks in front of him. I mean, you really should be nice to them anyways seeing as how shitty these jobs can be, but to a Capricorn boy, your respect to your fellow man means a lot.

Remember that the Capricorn boy is a private person, so keep certain aspects of your relationship to yourself when out and about with him and his friends. Do not divulge personal intimacies, even if you think they may be innocent. What Capricorn boys do in public is a lot different than what they do with their boyfriends at home, and this doesn't even have to be about sex. A Capricorn boy has a very public persona that he wears as a survival skill, just as the other signs have their unique defense mechanisms: Scorpion inscrutability, Sagittarian honesty, Geminian duplicity, Libran judgment, etc. Respect that your and you alone get to see your Capricorn boy's true face. He trusts you completely if you're his guy, so don't ever compromise that trust.

Capricorn boys make for dependable and classy lovers. Not only can he introduce you to a world of sophistication and fun, but he is attentive to your lifestyle and amazing with advice. He wants his boyfriend to succeed in life just as much as he does and he wants to build a traditional and comfy life with him.

In the Boudoir:

On Top of It: And you thought he was a stuffed shirt! Here's where some more mythological archetypes can help highlight the Capricorn sexuality. Pan was a nature god famous for chasing hot nymph tail but as he was also a shape shifter and deceiver, he made himself seem in a totally different light to most humans. Capricorn, sharing a similar story to the fall of Saturn, is also connected to the devil in Christian belief. Think of him as the Hollywood depiction of the charming, subversive devil in the tuxedo. When he takes you home...check please. Capricorns are amazing sex-fiends in bed and make absolutely brutal tops. They will ravage you in the best way possible. He's also surprisingly into kink, so expect a few surprises from a boy who seemed so unassuming in public.

On the Bottom: Taking it in the ass is but another job for these boys. And they enjoy their work tremendously. As much as Capricorn boys relish their sexual power, they love deviance and debauchery and so will let their boyfriends do almost anything to them, especially if it pushes the envelope. These boys are good at giving head and indulging themselves in other oral acts I won't get too much into here. While he does like romantic sex with candles and all that nice stuff, he can easily alternate between lovey-dovey and “shove it in, bitch boy”.

Sex with a Capricorn is...well...an experience. The good thing is that just as he can be extremely romantic and affectionate, he can also turn him the heat as well. As he loves sex, expect to get a lot of it in a relationship with him.

Queer Variations: This is for other male-identified orientations: Trans Capricorn boys fully comprehend the description between what lies in their mind and hearts and the problem that is their body. Since he is goal-oriented and a perfectionist, he will take careful steps in his transitioning and handle it all with pride and class. Bisexual Capricorn boys revel in the “deviance” of alternating between two genders and yet may prefer the D.L. depending on whether or not he deems his sexuality acceptable in his social circle. Since he is all about public appearances, he must decide whether or not coming out as bi is good for his image.