How To Tell Someone's Sign By Their Facebook Status - A Comprehensive Mini-Guide For Boys Who Like Boys

Gayboys, your Sign can tell you something about your Facebook Status. True story.

But not really.

ARIES: Your statuses contain an overabundance of exclamation points and usually make other boys feel slightly uncomfortable.

TAURUS: Your spelling varies depending on what stage of Long Island Iced Tea you are at.

GEMINI: Your statuses are either pointedly witty and charming or spitefully douchey and bitter. Sometimes both in one status.

CANCER: (if single) A status about how your bottomless, wellspring of a loving heart is nothing without the boyfriend you so badly need (if taken) you're too busy to write a status because you're posting a music video on your boyfriends wall that is both disgustingly saccharine and genuinely adorable.

LEO: You thought you were so clever posting those song lyrics, weren't you? Or a reference to an inside joke you yourself made.

VIRGO: Your status is snide and just shy of being bitchy or passive aggressive.

LIBRA: You tried to be funny with your status, or dryly witty. Or sexual.

SCORPIO: You meticulously designed your status so that, while most of your friends pay it no real mind, the one person who you have a crush on / or want to destroy is greatly compelled by what you have written. JUST AS PLANNED.

SAGGITARIUS: Your status is highly inappropriate and self-referential. Also dicks.

CAPRICORN: Your status is well organized and bemused at the incompetent fools who impede your tireless work ethic.

AQUARIUS: Nobody ever understands your statuses, but this is okay because you're too busy having sex with Jack Kerouac on the astral plane.

PISCES: Your status is either poetic, beautiful, and resonates emotionally with just about everyone who reads it, or you just come off as really fucking whiny.

Thank you, goodnight.

(P.S. : The above has been a joke and is entirely insincere)