Mercury Retrograde: The answer for your month's sad gayboy problems.

NOTE: All 12 Zodiac profiles, as well as the introduction, can be found under the July drop-down menu on the right.

Okay, so has your life sucked the last month or so? Serious question bro. Taking a glance at one's Facebook statuses (the modern day social barometer for the collective unconscious) it seems everyone's life is plagued with occurrences that eloquent people such as myself like to call REALLY FUCKING SHITTY. Your car broke down, your boyfriend broke up with you; it seems everything is breaking down really. And moreso than usual. You're feeling introspective. Things are coming back from the past to haunt you...exes included. And no matter how hard you try to use your words, they just don't get taken seriously or fall on deaf ears.

Well, the good news is there is someone to blame for your problems, and not just a someone but a whole entire planet. Yes friends, we're in a Mercury retrograde.

                                                                              Asshole.

But Max, what IS a Mercury Retrograde you say? Well friend twink, I'll esplain. Every planet goes into a retrograde, and what this means is in sciency/pseudo-sciency terms is that a planet, from our viewpoint on earth, seems to travel backwards in its orbit around the sun. I'll also have this friendly man from Astrology.com esplain it to yous:


"A planet is described as retrograde when it appears to be moving backwards through the zodiac. According to modern science, this traditional concept arises in the illusory planetary motion created by the orbital rotation of the earth with relation to other planets in our solar system. It's a bit like travelling on the road watching another car beside you: when the other car slows down, or you speed up, it looks as though the other car is moving backwards. Planets are never actually retrograde or stationary, they just seem that way due to this cosmic shadow-play." - Rob Tillet

So yeah...IMPORTANT COSMIC SHIT. When a planet goes into retrograde, it seems like the universe is just trying to toy with you. Everything that planet stands for gets reversed, more or less. Mercury is the planet of communication and technology, so these two areas of life are affected the most. Travel plans don't work out. People are hard to read or talk to. Everyone seems really depressed and angry and everyone is a huge asshole. You get introspective and things from the past rear their ugly heads again. It's all and all a largely awful time.

Sad twink is sad.

The good news is, it's also a time to reflect and to plan ahead. There are bonuses to a Mercury retrograde. For one, since Mercury influences the ability to lie or deceive, it will be nearly impossible for people to cheat you, or at least get away with it for too long. Secrets, mysteries and problems from the past may also get resolved during this time. And while some miserable baggage left undone from the past year may come back to make your life hell, this is also a good time to reconnect with people you haven't seen in awhile, including possible past flames.

BUT DO NOT IGNITE THOSE FLAMES UNTIL RETROGRADE IS OVER. The WORST thing a gay/bi/whatevs boy can do during this time is get into a relationship. It won't last long. Unless you're clever that is and can outsmart the planet of tricksters. Like I said, even though Mercury retrograde gives us a pinata full of bad ideas, it also takes away our defenses and walls. What you see is what you get and you're unlikely to get stuck with an asshole. At least, not for too long.

The good news is that this current Mercury retrograde is almost over, so we can go back to having fun again. It ends this Friday, just in time for the weekend. While some astrologers say that the effects of a Mercury retrograde last a few days after Mercury turns back on its normal orbit, it's usually the most dangerous around when it starts and when it ends.

So watch your backs, boys.

P.S. Geminis, this is your planet so remember that you're the most susceptible during this time. Also the most likely to be blamed. Have fun ;)

Introduction

"Every one of these signs you know you blowing me away, No matter when you’re born for sure with me you okay, I love every one of y’all no matter what sign you are, January to December here’s my open arms" - Beyonce.

 

You're young. You're hot. You're gay. And you're probably wondering what the hell is up with all

this horoscope business.

You're mystified at parties when artsy Aquarius cuties come up and ask you what your sign is. You're baffled as to why that twinky Taurus boy just won't give you the time of day. You don't get why that hipster Capricorn friend of yours never wants to go out dancing. And you're probably wondering if that sexy Scorpio guy you've had your eye on at the club is just as good in bed as you hear he is (Hint: he is).

Well my gorgeous, gay, friend, look no further. Herein lies a rundown of all twelve zodiac signs and what it means for gay guys everywhere. While many books have been written about astrology--at least one favorite of mine is specifically about gay men, and there is homostrology.com which is worth a checkout--there is little out there on gay guys our age...boys in their teens and early twenties. So, because I have another month of summer left (see: bored) and because I want to put this seemingly useless knowledge to good use, I decided to write this blog. Yay!     

A very intuitive and amazing boy once said to me that gay guys often believe in the personalities attributed to their zodiac sign because we're always questioning our identities. Exploring one's identity is a journey that, unfortunately, most people are sometimes too afraid or too apathetic to go on. Even if one sees astrology as nothing more than a psychological tool (like a placebo effect), it still allows us to search what it means to be us and what we bring to the world at large. It's an empowering system of beliefs, especially during these times where young, gay guys are finally starting to have a voice.

I got into this stuff because I go to a really big hippie school where things like this are actually pretty run of the mill. For me, it's resulted in a lot of useless knowledge and getting a few weird looks at parties (or in the case of guys who believe in zodiac-sign compatibility, a few numbers as well). I also dated someone who was really into astrology and he taught me most of what I know now. Since many gay friends of mine have asked me about what their sign means, I decided to write up this blog in hopes of answering many boy's questions on a mass scale. I also think that it can be really empowering to know what kind of traits you're capable of.

And hey, empowerment is something this community needs, especially with guys our age. We're all trying to figure life out four ourselves, and we want to make a thriving, fun, and impactful community. They say all twelve zodiac signs represent an essential aspect of human life, and all twelve personality types are necessary to build a functioning society. So everyone is bringing something awesome to the big gay table.

A common misconception many people have when dealing with horoscopes, signs, and astrology in general is that there is a certain set of rules and regulations when it comes to “your sign”. This is a false assumption. For example, I know many outgoing Cancers (an introverted sign said to be shy and withdrawn) and many reserved Leos (typically bold and extroverted). Your sign can manifest itself in many unique ways. You are never locked in to what your sign is and there are no real rules for this sort of thing, only archetypes and some common connections. Astrology is not a science, it's a belief system. So hey, I guarantee you nothing! This is for fun and for insight.

As for those who, for whatever reason, wonder if there's any scientific basis to this sort of thing, the answer is...maybe. Yes, some research has been done on whether or not astrology is “credible”. The more mystical minded would say that it's all about time and spiritualism and things that sound vaguely spooky and might scare you off I talked about them here. This guide is meant to be strictly casual and ease-of-access. It's versatile...just like some of you who are reading this.

Some people have pointed to time of birth affecting mental development (like the seasons, daylight, etc.) and while some studies have yielded some surprising results, obviously you can't measure this by the scientific method. So I gladly invite your skepticism but ask you to remember that I'm not trying to prove anything. Just hoping you'll have some fun.

Astrology also makes for great ice breakers. For awhile, if you asked someone what your sign was, it meant that you were probably in the 70's. Now that astrology is en vogue again, it's not so weird to start a flirtation session via inquiring as to what that hottie's sign is. Now, remember, some guys will still think this is weird...and usually they'll be Capricorns (kidding...kind of). But if you have some finesse, usually this is a good jumping off point for conversation.

Also keep in mind that astrology can get super complex. Ridiculously so. But since I want this to be a user-friendly guide and because I know there are better (crazier) astrologers out there than me, I wanted to keep this relatively simple while still giving you the 4-1-1 most other astro resources won't. So yes, this will be exclusively on gay men, specifically the ones in their later teens to their early twenties. That said, I have provided some context for bisexual and transgendered men as well since, to be quite honest, I have never even seen these identities explored in astrological resources before. Exciting new territory, boys.

I also want to keep this resource fun and accessible. If you have any input, it will be greatly appreciated. It is a blog after all! And always keep in mind that your milage with this personality system may vary. I can guarantee though, it gets in your head...and especially in your dating life.

Just ask Beyonce, she's had these problems...

A Brief Overview of Astrology and How to Use this Blog

Like I said before in my intro post, astrology is complex. For example, did you know that you have more than one sign? Most astrologers go by people's birth dates, or what is known as their “Sun Sign” (because the sun, in theory, is lined up with the Earth during whatever period one of the twelve zodiac constellations is in, determining your sign). This what most people go by, because it's easy and it gives you the foundations of your character. I should also make mention that almost every major civilization has its own form of astrology, from India to the ancient Aztecs. The most popular form of the zodiac other than the western is the Chinese, which I hold in high regard as well. However, since I am mostly familiar with the Greek/Roman or "Western" brand of astrology, that is what I will be discussing on this Blog (at least for the time being).

Now, I won't go crazy on your twink assess with the other “signs” in your birth chart, but two other important aspects include what sign the moon was in at your birth--your “moon sign”--and your “rising sign” which is the constellation that was in the eastern sky when your were born . Whew. Crazy stuff, right? Though I promise promise promise I won't get more confusing than I already am here, basically your moon = your inner emotions and your rising = your projected personality and image.

But we're going to keep it simple here and explore your sun sign only. Now, here are some basic rules to the stars:

All twelve signs of the Zodiac are divided into ridiculously specific categories. For example, six signs are “light” signs and the other six are “dark signs”. Now, to be nitpicky on terminology, most astrology peoples refer to these divisions as “masculine” and “feminine”, but since I think gendering terms is stupid anyways (especially in a guide made for guys), I'm going with “light” and “dark”. NOTE: This does not mean GOOD or EVIL. It's more like the Chinese belief in Yin and Yang. This means, two different types of energies at work. 

The second, and more important division when it comes to relationships and love, is the elements. There are three signs for four of the classical elements. Think Captain Planet...minus the kid with the heart ring. Traditional horoscopes say that you always do best with a person who's in the same grouping as you, but often it's more complicated than that. Let me break it down for you thusly

The Light Group of Signs

-These signs are usually associated with dynamic and extroverted natures-

Fire Element: The fire signs are typically direct, outgoing, and aggressive. They are Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius. Fire sign boys are often loud, opinionated, goofy and like to run the show...or at least think they do. The element of fire is powerful. It creates and destroys, but most of all it helps to fuel, produce energy, and radiate warmth.

Air Element: The air signs are typically intellectual, communicative, and detached. They are Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius (which is often mistakenly associated with water due to its description). These boys are the intellectuals, the communicators. They are very cerebral and often times have a hard time coming down to Earth, but their minds and attitudes yield to lofty higher concepts such as truth, philosophy, justice, and coming together as friends and allies. Air allows us to breath, to speak, and to travel and so it is a vital element. 

The Dark Group of Signs

-These signs are usually associated with stabilizing and introverted natures-

Water Element: The water signs are typically emotional, perceptive, and withdrawn. They are Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces. These guys are springs of emotional intensity and are concerned primarily with the affairs of the heart. They can be affectionate but also devastating should they allow their emotions to flood. Water nurtures us, gives us life, yet can also be one of the most destructive forces on the planet. Nevertheless, like love, we cannot survive as a species without it. 

Earth Element: The Earth signs are typically reserved, calculative, and stubborn. They are Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn. These boys are in control of themselves, have tremendous drive and know exactly what they want most of the time. The Earth itself is what anchors us, yet it also allows us to grow and to survive off of its productions. 

In addition to elements, signs are often associated with other things such as planets. Here's where not texting in English class may have helped you out! In classical literature and symbolism, the planets each represented a Greek/Roman god, which in turn embodied a set of values and attributes (Mars was aggressive and dominant, Venus was all about beauty and pleasure, Jupiter influenced luck and wealth, etc.). This same rule applies to your sign. Of course, most people should know there aren't twelve planets (and don't remind Scorpios about what happened to poor, little Pluto.) However, there are other objects in the sky: sun, moon, what science calls planetoids or “little planets” that are often connected to certain signs.

There is a shit-ton of a lot more about this stuff, but like I said, this is just an overview and not an info overload. So please, head on to the following sections to look up info on your sign...or that special somebody elses.

Zodiac Profile Breakdown:

Basic Info: This section includes the time-frame for a particular sign, its associated element, and its associate planet.

Your Hot Date With _____ :  This introductory paragraph highlights a scenario you might encounter while on a date with a guy of the sign profiled. This section is a flirty little fictional account of what it might be like, and should give you a good idea about what fun to expect.

What the Stars Say: The origins of the sign in question, including the mythology and connections to the sign's associated element and planet. This section focuses on the literary and cultural archetypes of your sign.

That Cosmic Bod: What a guy's physical traits may be as influenced by his sign.

What's on the Inside: A complete analysis of the signs positive and negative traits. This is the longest section and details mental and emotional aspects.

You and the Other Boys: How a boy of a certain sign interacts with other guys, gay and straight alike.

Connecting with an ____: How to go about making a romantic connection with a boy of a specific sign and what to expect in dating him.

In the Boudoir: The good stuff. This details a sign's sexual side. It is broken down into how a guy acts while in both the active and passive sex roles, though I should point out that these are only literal positions (I don't personally ascribed to a top / bottom dichotomy of "sexual roles" and really nobody else should either).

Queer Variations: Though this Blog is directed at gay-identified younger dudes, this section touches upon the specifics of how bisexual and trans boys may embody their sign. I see this as more of a distinction of experiences, as all of the above information can apply to most male-identified people...yes even straight dudes too!

Note: Some people have often mentioned to me that they believe there sign has “changed”. This is usually in reference to a horrible bit of misinformation that came out in 2010. I won't bore you with the details but basically: a crap journalist asked an astronomer (a credible scientist who studies the stars and who is NOT an astrologer) about how the constellations have changed over time. He of course mentioned “the thirteen zodiac”. When it comes to astronomy, yes, there ARE in fact thirteen constellations called the zodiac that can be seen in the night sky around the planet. However, when it comes to astrology, we have only and always used twelve. Despite this, the reporter then went on to twist the words of this scientist and billed this info as people's signs physically changing with the addition of a “thirteenth sign” called Serpentarius. While there are some fringe brands of astrology that base signs on the actual position of the constellations, the type of belief system practiced in the western world is based on the system created over time by the ancient Greek philosophers and incidentally this type is what I'm also going by for this Blog.

So no, in other words, you're sign has not changed ;)

Extra note: Most of the photos included on this site are from various Tumblrs and blogs. They are not mine and the only thing I can claim is that apparently I'm not very original.